What Men Want From Women
Dr. Yasir Qadhi
what is it that a man wants from his wife?
What is the primary emotion that he wants from his wife?
well. The primary emotion according to modern psychologists, I will Bring in the Quran and Sunnah later. The primary emotion that men want from their wives is that of respect. And by the way, I can bring in the Quran and Sunnah to demonstrate this reality.
Allah subhana WA Ta’ala says
اَلرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُوۡنَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ
—- Surah An-Nisa
That man ar (قَوَّامُ) over women. And Pawar (قَوَّامُ) means to be in charge of. This is the literal meaning of the quran. (قَوَّامُ) means the one who will take care of the other. (قَوَّامُ) means the one who will be the one in charge. so what is the one in charge?
The one who is shown respect and we have that famous hadith and no doubt this Hadith is misused and abused and we have to point this out as well. But it is the famous hadith that when once muadh ibn jabal came back from Syria and he entered the Masjid of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and he fell down in sajda in front of Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said to him:
Ya muadh, what are you doing? who told you to prostrate to me? why are you doing this? so muadh ibn jabal said I returned from Syria I found the people prostrating to their rabbis and their elders out of respect and I felt you deserve this respect more than those priests and as rabbis…
what did our Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam say?
its famous Hadith. I should say it’s an infamous Hadith. all of you have heard of it. but I want to be clear here. it’s not my job to apologize on behalf of what the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam Said it’s not my job to cover up his teachings. it is my job to teach those teachings whether a person likes them or not. What did the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam say?
verily Allah has forbidden any human to prostrate to another human.
hadith is in Bukhari and Muslim, Abu dawud and Tirmidhi. it is clearly authentic verily Allah has forbidden any human to prostrate to another human but if he were to have allowed this. if a concession were to have been made. there is no concession if a concession were to have been made I would have told the wife to prostrate to her husband out of what the respect and duty she owes to him.
Now what is this prostration?
it is the prostration of respect. the prostration of respect and what does this show?
that the wife gives respect to the husband and what will the husband give back the husband will give back that love that cherishing that nurturing that the wife craves so the question is what does it mean for the wife to respect the husband?
So what does it mean to show him respect?
a few very specific points number one
* respect his knowledge and his judgment wives respect your husband’s knowledge and judgment. when your husband makes a decision don’t double guess him don’t doubt him don’t try to make him feel he’s Intel he’s not intelligent he’s not qualified to do what he’s doing in other words, don’t treat him like a child.
classic example, happens all the time. husband is driving and the wife thinks that this is the wrong way. the wife says, no you should exit here. You just missed the highway exit. this is where you’re supposed to exit from right what has just happened here?
the husband because irritated, I know where I’m going, Dont worry I know it’s right ahead, right?
What’s happened here? well, the wife has doubted her husband’s sense of power. sense of being in charge, sense of responsibility. and what happens here when a husband is challenged. he becomes,
what’s he gonna become when he’s challenged?
Argumentative. he becomes, immediately he’ll retort back,
what do you know? you did this. you did that. now, if he turns out to be wrong and you were right,
this leads me to point two, suppose you were right that was the exit. well then this leads me to point 2. let the husband make his mistakes and learn from his own mistakes because when he makes a mistake, he won’t be able to get angry at anybody else. but when you make a mistake, and you tell your husband to make that mistake, you’re never gonna hear the end of it and you all know what I’m talking about.
let the husband make his mistake and let him learn from his mistake and don’t become his mother, believe me no man wants to marry a motherly figure.
he has his mother …… for that.
he doesn’t want his wife to start lecturing him, to start daunting him, like only his mother is allowed to daunt him, right mothers have privileges they don’t extend to their daughter-in-laws so suppose he did take that wrong turn suppose he missed the exit guess what he’s never going to miss that exit ever again he’s learned from his mistake and the fact that you didn’t put it in his mind you did it you were just quiet you let him do his decision fellows no big deal next time it’s not going to happen the third point about showing respect Trust his capability in taking on the projects that he wants to take on don’t be sarcastic or diminishing of any project he feels that he wants to do so for example there’s a leaky faucet and your husband comes in with the tool barsthe plumbing the the the wrench